Chapter 6: Offers

‘That’s hilarious, if not downright crazy.’

Chris chuckles after sipping his ramen. ‘I am serious and sane. Trust me, I won’t even bother giving a word if you were just a backfill.’

I am still not in terms with his logic.

‘To be honest, I don’t even want to talk about this right now. Because if there’s someone you should be talking with right now, it’s not me. Chris, you’re quite aware of this, but I’ve not fully settled in even after several years. Our working relationships may have stabilised, but some issues still exist on my visibility with the whole team and fans alike.’

He continues to sip his ramen and I know all his ears are focused on whatever shit I’m telling him.

‘Many people say I only joined the Legionnaires to stay in front of the media and reap every benefit of becoming one of the team’s faces. A player who plays for the press con and nothing else. Some of our members feel as if the spotlight has been shut out for them.’

Chris contests my point, ‘But you are not the only one gaining exposure here. Everyone in the team has their fair depth of talent.’

‘Of course I know that, Chris. Timing says otherwise however. My transfer happened when the team was augmenting its prestige in the second tier.’

‘Wonder Transfer, that’s what they used to call you.’

I never thought he still remembers that. ‘Whatever, I don’t buy that. I only know two things: that time wasn’t enough to naturally gel with them and that I was accused of having less commitment to play for the team. Then injury hit me towards the midseason, paralysing my efforts to prove myself among my comrades. Plus, who gets interested with an injured player and team anyway, both of which trying to play wholeheartedly with a half-injured foot?’

He does not seem convinced. ‘That’s all in the past. You guys are now champions! And this time, you poured in that much-needed effort to elevate the team to the Pro League! Honestly I give that legacy under your leadership. Fine, if you insist, you didn’t perform as expected in the earlier years. This feat erases all that and qualifies you to take the lead moving forward.’

‘It’s a risk, Chris, I tell you. You are risking team morale and unity by handpicking someone who has rarely thought himself to be part of this squad.’

‘Are you having other offers?’ Chris tries to be more direct.

Suddenly, Sonny Burch is calling.

Amateurish Thoughts

Just because I paid for this particular online space seems to be the wrongest motivation to write and post.

I’ve been aware of not posting anything here in the past two months. It should have strongly nudged me to open my OneNote and type like a mad man to fulfill my blogging goals for 2014.

But no.

This back-from-hiatus entry wasn’t about pinning down my apparent lack of follow-through. But since the topic will inevitably touch that, I’ll be intentional about it.

I’m actually writing this because of that one single prompt I’ve had while browsing through the blog.

Inspiration is for amateurs.

I roughly remember what it means: that people who are pros on their respective fields or who have gained success in whatever path do not believe in overnight transformation. They rely on their daily routines to produce meaningful, quality work – not solely on inspiration.

Here’s what Chuck Close, an American photorealist, said about creative blocks and inspiration:

Inspiration is for amateurs — the rest of us just show up and get to work. And the belief that things will grow out of the activity itself and that you will — through work — bump into other possibilities and kick open other doors that you would never have dreamt of if you were just sitting around looking for a great ‘art idea’. And the belief that process, in a sense, is liberating and that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel every day. Today, you know what you’ll do, you could be doing what you were doing yesterday, and tomorrow you are gonna do what you did today, and at least for a certain period of time you can just work. If you hang in there, you will get somewhere.

This piece of wisdom perfectly syncs with two things I’ve learnt from a talk recently: the power of dreaming and being intentional about it.

Dreams are powerful in the sense that these possess capacity to change people. That is, if the dreamer willfully submits himself to that dream, allows challenges ahead to shape him (for the better), and shares lessons learned with others who have started or are still pursuing their dreams. Part of that is becoming intentional. The dreamer must be aware of his day-to-day decisions in reaching that goal or dream – and he holds prerogative to choose what’s relevant.

If coupled with a strong intention, dreams mold people bigger than who they are today.

I have a dream just like many people. I want to become an educator – to share knowledge with the future generation, allow them to see and analyse different perspectives, and contribute to their development in little ways. It’s grand, noble, and humbling at the same time, but I can’t seem to find the right approach to steer myself towards that dream.

Admittedly I’m still an amateur, with an over-reliance on spur-of-the-moment drive.

I waste time waiting or looking for an ideal time and space to read materials and specialise on my chosen field. I refuse to seize the most ideal moments when I need to. I stop trying when things don’t seem ideal. My habits remain the same. I neglect networking with key individuals to hear their thoughts and experiences. Consequently inspiration goes down the drain.

Then one day I’ll feel inspired again – and the cycle repeats.

A quick hacking of daily habits must be what it takes to end the vicious loop – and to always be intentional on doing them, not just on knowing what they are.

With that said, I’m going to sleep now. I shouldn’t be sleeping this early every single day.

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Related Article: Chuck Close on Creativity, Work Ethic, and Problem-Solving vs. Problem-Creating